Already not yet

I worship though the words fall short it hurts to know how far you are yet somehow near,

And residing in my soul. 

It hurts to pray and know you'd stay were I not stuck here, in a world without you, but with you,

Paradox, so it seems, is your norm in this place. 

I wish I could stay there wrapped up and peaceful but I know you want me here for them, so many of them, lost, hurting, and without you. 

So I stand in the paradox of heaven and earth knowing you want the two to become one some day, and today, all the same. 

May your kingdom here and now and your kingdom sometime "then" be brought to pass. 

And may I know you well enough to help you do it,

Strangled by ty time here...yet freed,

and bringing freedom to them. 

I praise you my God who already came,

And is coming.  

Through a glass darkly

One day Lord I will be like you because I will see you as you are. No more human dross weighing me down. No more inundate imperfection strapping me to this world of pain and suffering. Perfection. Just...perfection, serenity, fulfillment, the achings of my heart and soul finally satisfied even beyond their greatest longings. I think throughout our lives wrestlessness defines consciousness to the point that we forget or never find out what true rest really is. It eludes us every day we elude you. But on that glorious day when the musings of this world are put behind me I will know what true rest is. I will understand what peace really means. I praise you God, for such a wonderful promise.

But I also know though my fulfillment is not yet, so you have already done a work in this world and my life. I may perceive you through a glass darkly but I know you are there regardless. Your peace is the only peace that breaks through this world of chaos. I know that in catching glimpses of you my heart can know fulfillment,
In preparation for the day I will know you in full.

Belief belief beliefs

Jesus is the center of my faith. I don't suppose anything could sound any more rudimentary or perhaps clich'e than that, but it couldn't also be any more true. The questions for a Chrstian that arise all have to do with Jesus. More specifically, they have to do with his resurrection. This makes the logistical side of Christian belief fairly simple; prove Jesus resurrected, prove Chrsitianity true.

Of course, the debates rage as to whether or not this has been proved, or is even provable. Honestly, I think from an objective historical standpoint even the hardest of skeptics have conceded that for a miracle the resurrection of Christ is about as believable as it gets. For that reason and others it is not hard for me to see the denying of Christ's resurrection as more a product of the fallen nature than objective rational pursuit. Of course, I know in saying this I open up a whole other logical can of worms that must be defended. What qualifies my inkling toward fallen nature rather than rationale? What makes one more valid than the other? I know that would be another post in itself, and that is really not the point I am seeking to make right now. Suffice to say that even if someone is on the fence about the resurrection of Christ, what matters is that anyone with logical integrity will tell you there is convincing evidence in its support. And that, yes, if you really want to there is, as with anything really, room for you to neglect it if you so choose.

It's that "if you so choose" where "I," quite literally, come into play.

What I mean is, beliefs are complicated. I think in our endless pursuit of rational justification we forget that merely the formation and sustaining of a belief is by its own merit a noteworthy mental exercise. Data can be weighed endlessly. In fact, a computer can do that if you wanted it to. What distinguishes human intelligence in this area is the movement from deliberation to decision, from a litany of facts to the exercising of volition. That act alone deserves credit from those who choose to do it.

So for me, being a Christian has its reasons. Moreover, I think it has many compelling reasons. But what I realize and I have come to value is that, as the biblical addage goes, we do in fact "walk by faith and not by sight." Faith is that exercising of volition. Faith meets us at the point where we end and God begins, where that step in consistence with rational directing, but outside rationale's scope, takes place. We must believe this and understand this as orthodox Christians, otherwise we fall prey to Pelagianism, believing our own will alone gets us to God. I'm not saying I know the perfect spot where God bridges that gap, but I am saying that it exists. And more specifically, I think the inherent limbo involved in the belief forming process creates a place for faith out of necessity. Simply, if logic alone led to God anyone, EVER, who had considered all the facts concerning the resurrection would have converted. But NAYYYY says the atheist, you say that assuming the veracity of the resurrection! No, because I would say on the flip side that would mean that if the resurrection didn't happen then anyone, EVER, who considered the facts would have NOT believed. The point is not which belief is true. The point is that there is an element here that stretches outside of objective data and requires the subjective, but deliberate, distinctly human component of DECIDING to believe. Human will, human volition, this must get involved and leap toward one conclusion or another. And to me, when it comes to God, that will and volition may in every way point us toward God, but to make that final, deciding moment to believe and follow him, there is a stretch outside ourselves that only God can provide. And I think that in dialogue with skeptics, atheists, agnostics, those of other faiths, whatever, we must always keep this in mind. If you don't hold this to be true as a Christian then you will forever be frustrated by others who don't just "get it." Of course they don't; belief forming is naturally an ambivalent process and only God's Spirit can conclude their ambivalence with decision. So when it comes to the resurrection of Christ, Jesus IS the answer...as always :) But I know getting to that answer is an intricate process, one I pray to not be ignorant or impatient of in sharing my beliefs with others. They too are in their limbo process, just as I was and often feel that I am. I can only pray God can help me to meet them there and guide them toward an end to their existential uncertainty.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDtrqV6M08Y

Fast: 2011

This fast has in a lot of ways been harder than last year, simply because I had it in my mind that 5 days is a pretty short fast. Now, while that is true, I shouldn't have approached things that way in my mind. So my intention now is to realize 'God, I have this time, and it actually is 5 full days in length, to focus on you." Basically, to have the same mentality I usually have when I fast.

This has also spilled over into general hunger and desire for food. Because I had it in my mind that food is coming relatively soon, the sacrifice of food hadn't really sunk into my thoughts yet. Well, I have to have that mentality because without it, I'm too stinking hungry! haha. I haven't honestly been all that hungry, but my mindset has not been anti-food like it should be. Fasting is a time of sacrificing food for God, and so much of that is not just the physical act of eating; it's the thought of eating, dwelling on food, etc. The more I put that aside, the more clearly I can focus on God because I'm worried about Him and not about food. Because really, if the point of fasting is to focus on God over anything else, you kind of kill the point when you're focused on food instead! haha.

So God, my prayer is for these next three days, each day I can come into it with the intention of focusing on you. You are my focus, and I want you moving in life for this year, and in my upcoming marriage.

May that be my focus, and yes, in good time food will be a part of my life again. For right now, I'm fully content sacrificing it for You.

Concession

And so I concede.

I give up.

You won this fight.

I can't get up.

These words aren't enough.

These objections too weak.

I've fought to run;

Yet you've fought to seek.

You take my freedom;

You reveal my futility:

I must stop fighting for myself,

And accept humility.

For if I could have won on my own,

By God You'd know I'd have done it,

But I couldn't,

Cause You wouldn't let go.

So I let go,

Because I had to.

My life is in Your hands.

It is God who Justifies

³¹What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? ³² He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? ³³Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. ³⁴ Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised— who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.

God has justified me. Justified me. The Creator of the universe, who holds eternity in His hand, has declared me "rightened." I have been set aright. I have been acquitted, given grace, and given pardon from the things that held me bound. I have been freed. I have been justified, by God.

Wow...it amazes me how powerful that is, and yet I have to admit that until just now, I don't know that I have allowed that concept to truly sink in to my psyche. If God is the one who justifies you, then yeah, who can be against you!? There is no qualified accuser. Everyone pales into comparison with your righteous judge, who has fully acquitted you, and even declared you "righteous." Who can be against you?

Yet we allow the world to come against us every day. We constantly fend off accusations. We constantly question ourselves in light of our context, and don't assert ourselves in light of our Ultimate Judge.

But above all, the enemy is the one who dares to challenge us every day. He is the accuser of the brethren, and every opportunity he gets he's in there to "be against us." He's in there to challenge the validity of our acquittal. To question the veracity of our pardon. And the reality of our newfound righteousness (rightness). We cannot allow him to do that though. We have to remember, God justified us! So who, can be, against us! No one.

Then the latter part of this verse goes even further; there is also no reason to condemn ourselves, because the sentence has already been carried out in Christ. He was killed to absolve us of our incumbent punitive sins. We are worthy of punishment, but have been declared worthy of pardon only through Christ and His death. So because of that death, who can question our acquittal? No one. To question that is to insult the cross of Christ. God has justified us...

GOD HAS JUSTIFIED US..

GOD HAS JUSTIFIED US!

The Creator of everything has looked to your acceptance of His son and said "you are now justified." No one can stand up to that. So any time the devil begins to creep in with those lies and those accusations, let us always remember that again, GOD is the one who justified us.

And no one can question that.

We aren't good

We are imperfect beings. Yet we are always striving for perfection. Truly, this is the paradox of human behavior.
We all have ideas of what we see as the "good things" about humanity, and there is perhaps no greater example of this than love.
Anyone can testify to the goodness of love. There isn't a person out there who, once having experienced or properly observed true love in one way or another, would point to that experience and say "that was a bad thing."
And yet in spite of the fact that we are so easily able to define the goodness of love, we cringe at the thought that there is an epitome of that goodness. Simple, it's hard for us to imagine, truly perfect love.
Yet is this not the logical outworking of something that must be "truly" good? Ought there not be a source of that goodness? A basic, bottom line definer for that goodness? Without it, love, along with any other "good" thing in our world, becomes an empty, hollow concept. It has no ultimate meaning, no ultimate definition or purpose. It is completely emptied of substance.
But even in the acknowledgment of this, we are still so often challenged by the idea of perfect love. It can be easy for us to ultimately concede to a perfect source of love, but when we begin to think on a God who is perfect love and who cannot love imperfectly, we cannot help but cringe.
Why?

Because to truly concede to that is to admit your imperfection. To fully acquiesce to that idea is to admit failure, true inadequacy, and the profundity of your human limitation. It is to confess His Lordship.

And man is that hard to do. To say that He is qualitatively better than you. To know that He is qualitatively completely better than you. You are bad. He is Good. You are imperfect. He is Perfect. You are man, and He is God.

The admittal of this divide between us and God is hard. But boy is it necessary. If we continue to adhere to our the futility of our human "goodness" true love will never be exhitibed. If it hasn't been clear, I am writing this to Christians as well. Any of us can easily cling to our human goodness, our human sufficiency, even after we've allowed God in: because it truly is so easy to just be human, and not be Godly. In order to do that we must continously admit His goodness, an our "badness." We must acknowledge His perfection, and our imperfection. And we must do these things because when it comes to those "good" things that we can only truly do through Him, things such as love are paramount to the success of the Church. Without it, our world will fail to see the true glimpse of the Father. They will fail to See Him in us, and so fail to know Him, because we failed to know that,
He is good, and we are not.

Unfinished Works

The fully autonomous self is the false self. The true self, is defined through Christ.

We have been so trained to see the world through our own autonomy (individualism). In fact, I have to admit that I myself was quite immersed in this perspective. This was such that while reading a book that questioned the autonomous self, I realized that on a logical plane I had never thought of the word "self" outside of autonomy. I thought, what else is "me" apart from solely me? In order to define "me," am I not violating the terms if I begin to define myself in terms of someone or even something else apart from me? I basically saw anything external to me as quintessentially not me, and thereby, unqualified to define me.

This was my view on defining me: the truly, completely, autonomous "self," right down to the letter.

Kudos to you, Western world. You've had quite the influence.

But is this the definition of "self" that Scripture gives? Absolutely not.

Galatians 2:20 ²⁰I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Colossians 2:2-3 ²Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. ³For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.

Romans 11:36 ³⁶For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen.

These verses essentially clue us in to one of the premier, overarching biblical themes: true humanity is found through God, not through ourselves. Our existence is fundamentally defined through God (He created us) and therefore variably dysfunctional without Him. On a sheerly logical plane, one can see how this makes sense. Simply, if we are inherently contingent beings at the very core of our existence, then it is only in the outright acknowledgment of that contingency that true self-identity can be obtained. Without it, we delude ourselves into the idea of an absolutely autonomous existence, and not one of absolutely dependency. This is how things appear on a rational plane.

But there is also a more formative, Christian assuming actuation of this idea as well. That is, being people with the divine "imprint" upon our existence, think about that in relation to how we typically see imprints in the world. Things like a watch that "finds" it's watchmaker, a house that finds its architect, or a pot that finds its potter. Upon the meeting of these things with the person that created them, the true "mark" of the imprint that you see upon that item can now most fully be understood. You may be able to look at the careful hands, the classy style, or a whole slew of other things. He or she may be able to make it work better, fix problems others wouldn't see, or tap into abilities, capabilities or uses of these objects that only the original craftsperson could envision.

But I also want to take this comparison in a different direction. That is, I think the strongest point of this allusion is that we, being the handiwork of the ultimate Craftsmen, are the quintessentially unfinished works. We are God's masterpieces, but we are also constantly being formed. Because with us, God will not settle for anything less than perfection. He sent His law, and then ultimately His Son, as an attestation to that. However, the "down" side to that is that for us, perfection will not be met in this life; all is literally "perfected" in the glorification of our bodies in the end. So it is until that point that we must be in contact with our Creator. We must allow Him to keep our clocks ticking, to break and mold our clay when needed, or to maintain our house on the solid rock through life's years of wear and tear. Without Him we are forgotten works, old broken clocks or dying houses, Rembrandts, Mona Lisa's, and 9th symponies left unfinished, unremembered, lost in the vaccuous realm of half-ideas, fleeting thoughts, and forgotten inspirations. We must let Him finish the work. And the bottom line is that this will not happen if we do not know that we are the work, and not the worker. Just as a painting sitting in a room, or a symphony on a music sheet, or a mansion's plans on a drawing board, or, or, or... None of these things become anything until the worker does the job. And that's just it; we aren't the worker, and until we realize that we will never reach the fullness of our "selves." Who we "are" will always fall short, because we simply will not become anything: because coming to "be" for a work of art, demands the complete concession to the beautiful activity of the artist.
We must allow him to define us, and stop trying to define ourselves.

The fully autonomous self is the false self. The true self, is defined through Christ.

What is "I"?

I am such a constantly self-reflective person. I am always thinking about that….I often feel that I don’t know who I am completely. I need to have a better idea of who I am, but I also don’t want to consider it to the point that I’m not thinking on anyone but myself. This has often, and lately, been my struggle. In truth, I have often shied away from introspection because it makes me feel haughty, but then again in avoiding it I continue to do it because I have loose ends left untied….

I don’t know, it can be easy to get hung up on ourselves almost indefinitely. It truly can. But on another side, I think it can be good to work through those things, because when we define ourselves fully before Him and others, we are then enabled to minister to others better. I guess I’m kind of dancing around one idea; without an identity, how can I help someone? Think about that statement “How can "I "help someone.” By saying “I,” “I” am implicitly making a reference point. I am saying “I”, the person defined as “me” is helping someone. Well, if “I” is an empty and hollow thing, an empty, baseless entity, then what does “I” have to offer to someone else? What even, does “I” have to offer to God? I think we need to be defined. God doesn’t define us in vacuous terms, and neither should we do so for ourselves. We need to be “us,” to be “me” and “I,” and *know* what that means. Yes, within the overall message of the biblical text there is a definition of “me” to be found. There’s one for me, you, for everyone. There’s one out there for every person. And yet, without tapping into that, without tapping in both to God, ourselves, and others to find what that “I” is, then there isn’t any “I” that we have to offer to a world so desperately in need of truer self identification. We say that the world is “lost.” Well what do we want them to find? "Them"selves in Christ. Well how can “they” be defined if “we” aren’t defined? How can “we” (the Church) be defined if “I’m” not defined? I don’t think we can.

So, I think I am fair to understand “me” better. I have come to that point now…even in writing this. Ha. So God, help me to be okay with knowing “me” so that “I” can better understand how to help others find “them”selves.

Beauty in Scripture

"You became very beautiful and rose to be a queen..... 'But you trusted in your beauty and used your fame to become a prostitute. ... At the head of every street you built your lofty shrines and degraded your beauty, offering your body with increasing promiscuity to anyone who passed by."


This is all from Ezekiel 16. I think it gives us a "beautiful," ha, picture of how God understands beauty. He made Israel beautiful, and it meant so much more than outward appearance. It was about heart, about devotion and faithfulness. It was about relationship, relationship with Him. And then they threw it away. They tossed it away completely, and honestly to use God's language here "whored themselves out" to anyone, not even seeking 'payment.' The allegorical language in this chapter is very strong. It tells the story of a beautiful woman, who "degrades her beauty" by selling herself to everyone and anyone, at the same time essentially defecating all over the beautiful covenant relationship that God had entered into with her. This is how God saw, and sees beauty; again, about relationship, about the heart, about the inside, not the out. One more time…

Ezekiel 16:14-25 (greatly abridged): "You became very beautiful and rose to be a queen..... 'But you trusted in your beauty and used your fame to become a prostitute. ... At the head of every street you built your lofty shrines and degraded your beauty, offering your body with increasing promiscuity to anyone who passed by."

The fall of God's beautiful maiden. The fall of beauty. Because of age? No. Because of disfigurement? No.
So what was it that degraded Israel’s beauty? What was it that so deeply tainted them in the eyes of God, their lover?
It was unfaithfulness, ungratefulness, and dirty, sordid behavior. It was, at it’s root,
Broken relationship.

Loving your Beautiful Wife, take 2

It's all about that Love that defines everything. It is fundamentally relational, and so it overshadows all objectified distortions of relational connection between people. And this is most certainly the case in romantic love, in the beautiful bond between a man and a woman, that God has ordained. He calls the groom to have a love for his wife like Christ exhibited for the church. In that there is no objectified errancy; there is only relational union. That is what I am called to. That is what we are all called to, if we feel that we are ready for marriage.
Looking beyond the things that fade away, and looking to the things that last. A person, for whom they are, at the heart of their relational self. And there are a couple neat things about that "relational identity:"

One, since the apex of our relational identity is found in relationship with Christ, the most beautiful woman is going to be one whose relationship with Him is vibrant and constant. A beautiful, healthy relational connection with the Author of relationship will shine more beautifully than all other components of beauty. This is what makes a woman glow. This is what makes her a person to spend forever with; because at the core of herself is a connection with the One who shows her, at its foundation, what "forever" feels like.

And two, her relational self will also strongly exhibit herself in her relationship with others. This is the secondmost truly beautiful thing about a woman of God. She shines as one who attempts to take her primary relationship with Christ, and project that on to all those around her. She glows for Christ, and that light shines through in her treatment of others. Simply, a woman who loves God and loves people is the most gorgeous of all.

You'll notice a simple pattern in these two characteristics; they are directly derived from Christ's two greatest commandments. I think this gives further credence to what is being said her about "beauty" because the more a woman's behavior reflects the true heart and character of God (by living in accordance with His two greatest commandments) then the more beautiful she will become.

And having said that, one particular reason I think it is paramount that we put these characteristics before physical appearance is the simple issue of aging, and potentially tragic deformative events. I am not one to be too gloomy, but on one side of things one mus consider the simple idea of their spouse aging, ultimately becoming "less physically attractive" than they are in their 20s-30s, and on the other, the more difficult idea of somethign tramautic happening to your spouse that naturally makes them less physically appealing than before.
To deal with the "simpler" idea first, again the issue is focusing on that person's relational rather than physical self. That's what ought to define them in your eyes, and that is what serves as the true basis for your love for him or her. Without that, then in due time when the natural "sands of time" pass over the face and frame of your mate, the connection between you and that person will rapidly dissolve. And if marriage is to be taken seriously, to be taken as something that is called to endure forever for the Christian, then in view of this it is absolutely crucial that the true definition of "beauty" and "love" be understood when going in. That is, that it must be about that person's inner beauty, it must be about their relational self, connected with God and with others. It must be about those things because those things, can last forever. And in spite of wrinkles, hunched shoulders, and shaky knees (haha :-) ) when the connection between two people is based upon Christ-rooted relationship, none of those transiet, temporal indicators will matter.

And yes, this ultimately transitions into the far more difficult realm, of the physically disfigured spouse. I am not one to say that such an experience is easy. However, I am one to say that if God takes marriage as seriously as He says He does, He can fully empower His people to see through His eyes of relational, rather than physical, union with their spouse. With those such eyes He can help us in our weakness, and fully enable us to think as relational rather than physical people. Again though, it may even be a misnomer at this point to say "help in our weakness" because if our connection with our spouse has been based within relational, Christ based connection from the start, if that has been the true definition and basis for our love, then our love should have little trouble changing despite adverse, physical circumstances. This is the power, I believe, that true love for one another can have. This is the power that true beauty defined through true love can have. That is,iIt's not about physical adversity, but about spiritual, relational union: where no matter what happens in the physical realm, that person always remains deeply loved and immensely beautiful on this side of eternity. That no matter what happens: this is what true, God based love can accomplish.

Loving your Beautiful Wife

I believe in Love. It defines everything. Takes everything, and puts it in the right perspective. And I believe in Beauty. That through love, true beauty is given. It defines all things, makes them true in the way they ought to be. God, I believe in deliverance from superficiality. I think true love and a true understanding of beauty can give that.

I also believe that with you true love is given for that one person. There is a sanctioning of marriage in your eyes, where that one person becomes the pinnacle recipient of true love. Of love, eternal and everlasting. And I think that in that, true beauty, and true love, are defined.
I say this because there are women of all shapes and sizes. Women of a variety of different facial structures and appearances, and yet our world tells us a certain figure is requisite for genuine, or maybe optimal, attraction. A women without adequate curves is not truly attractive, at least, not as possibly attractive as a women who has them. Now I must say, the question of pragmatics here is one to wrestle with. That is, one cannot deny the basic level of attraction within these certain physical characteristics. However, if one is willing to concede to that entirely, I think they slide into something irreconcilable with the Christian worldview. If all women are beautiful, all created in God's image, then how can I reduce one's "beauty" to their physical stature? I know this treads on awkward ground though. Do we not say that some women, or men for that matter, are attractive while others are not? Is there not merit to that? I can't say I'm unrealistic enough to say there isn't. However, I think we can quickly conform to the world's definition of these standards and not to God's. Everyone is created in God's image, a reflection of His true, and perfect beauty. And in that, one will search for beauty that is within, not without. This, in truth, is also the Scriptural definition. This is how Peter defines true beauty in one of his epistles. It is about inner beauty, about the heart, about the things about us that reflect God, who isn't physical. He is beyond the physical, and fundamentally relational. So it is within that, within the realm of seeing things as fundamentally relational when it comes to beauty, that I believe the Christian is callled to go. We are called to see men and women in that light; in the light of true beauty, as reflections of God: not reflections of their physical makeup.

Anyway, I think one is called to understand this in considering marriage. I say this because regardless of how physically "beautiful" your wife may or may not be, the bottom line is that there are simply too many things to define as physically attractive to argue that there is one woman out there more attractive than others in sheerly physical terms. If you adhere to that, it won't take you long before you begin eyeing someone else. Before you begin comparing your spouse to others, to see if she measures up. Because see, even if she is amazingly beautiful, if you think in the physically comparative way, you are still thinking in a comparative way. Meaning that, you are always wanting/willing to compare her to others. And who knows if that time will come when she doesn't measure up? But the thing is, even if that time never comes, it still reflects an incredibly inadequate understanding of beauty and appreciation for your wife. Why? Because she isn't to be compared to anyone, she is to stand alone. And in comparing her, you are implicitly questioning the superiority of her beauty in your life.

I mean, here's the thing I'm getting at; again, even if she is incredibly beautiful, when you think in sheerly physical terms there is no absolute. I should have said that in the beginning; in physical terms there is no absolute. Men can find one woman attractive and another not for the same or completely different reasons. But even if you want to argue, again, that there are basic phyiscal characteristics to which all men are attracted, the bottom line is that there is no, singular, perfect woman. Even if you took all the women with the "right characteristics" and put them in a room, you're going to be hard pressed to find a unanimous decision on who is the most attractive. Why? Because the fact is that there is not one, singular, physically perfect woman to all. There are facial issues. Facial structures, hair colors, a billion things that get involved that can vary from guy to guy. And if you spend your life trying to find that one woman, that's the problem: you won't find her. Physicality is too relative. There are too many things to distinguish one woman from another. However, again the one main thing that causes this physical view of women to be problematic is it misses the true view of women and their beauty: that it is fundamentally internal and relational.

Again, without any kind of relational value to women, what is there to distinguish one attractive woman from another? Because physicality varies from man to man, even among the "curvacious" women, the only thing left to distinguish one woman from another is relational connection. It's sad because we let people immerse themselves in the understanding of physical attraction and dont' teach them how crucial relational connection is to be married to someone. We have to get at what really matters for a women over and beyond her physical stature. That's really what lasts. That's really what's most important, beyond all things, the thing that you have to understand for your wife.

So anyway, in being in Love with my signficant other I am called to understand her Beauty. By that I mean she should be the most beautiful woman on the planet to me, because beauty is defined by what's inside, not on the outside (regardless of how attractive I might find her on the outside :-) ) It's about that commitment to her, that love, that unison with her that is most important. In loving her like Christ loves the church, the love I am called to is trans-physical. Anything physical that would try and hinder us as a couple is not God's understanding. This is the problem for us; we need to learn to marry someone, seeing them as the most beautiful, and attractive person to us, on the planet. They are the number one. And they can be that number one, because their beauty, is far beyond physicality; it's deeply relational and internal.

The Heart of God

Isaiah 10:1-4a

¹ Woe to those who make unjust laws,
to those who issue oppressive decrees,

² to deprive the poor of their rights
and withhold justice from the oppressed of my people,
making widows their prey
and robbing the fatherless.

³ What will you do on the day of reckoning,
when disaster comes from afar?
To whom will you run for help?
Where will you leave your riches?

⁴ Nothing will remain but to cringe among the captives
or fall among the slain.

There are things that give us a better clue into the heart and mind of God. That's a profound thought, isn't it? To know the heart of God. That's a hard thing...an elusive thing, when you think about how dirty our hearts truly are. But in reading His word, I am given that picture. I am given an understanding of Him and how He thinks and acts.... And man...what a beautiful picture you get here in Isaiah 10.
But I'm gonna be honest, so often I find myself wondering: "Why am I reading the bible?"
And then this goes more specifically into "So what exactly do I believe about the bible?"
In reading these words...sometimes I have to stop, and think..."What...am I doing? What exactly...is going on here?"
But it's in moments like those that..what I'm thinking now, hits me: this is the heart of God. I am reading...Him.
I read His word because in it, I can find HIM. I can find...God. He's in there, because His Spirit, is imprinted upon the pages, inspired within those words for us to receive that same message, of His heart, today. So when I read, I don't want to fall into the trap I do so often, of essentially just skimming the pages, or even reading but reading without any true, connection to the text. I want to stop and think "What...is going on here?" And then know what it is:
God is showing me,
His heart.
And with that in mind, I really think this passage in Isaiah can sink in so much better. Can really...take root and show me:
God is about the oppressed.
The suffering.
And injustice. He cries out against the injustice of this world, even saying that the only place the enactors of injustice will go,
Is among the slain.

God is a just God. This is His heart. And I would have missed that,
Had I not stopped, and thought,
"Why am I reading this?"

I love the fall

I love the fall.
I love the incoming of the cooler winds, the crisp touch of cooler air as the earth's rotation slowly becomes evident here, right where we are in the central US.
I suppose there are practical reasons for this. I'm not a hot weather kind of guy and I genuinely love the cooler climate. I've always thought I was meant to grow up in the north. And I've felt more confident in that when I can say that I'll take a 10 degree day over a 100 degree day every time.
But apart from what's practical, I think there's a nostalgic feel to the fall air for me as well.
As soon as that cold air begins to sweep in, my mind is instantly taken to long, cold walks around Lee University, spending an immense amount of quality time with Jesus. So many times, during the colder months of the school year, I had great times with Him around that beautiful campus. And I love that it seems no matter how much time passes, the feel of crisp cold air can bring those memories shooting back to the forefront of my mind. I know it's only been two years, but every fall while I was there previous years came soaring back, and now entering my second year away, the effect is the same.
There actually is a term for this in psychology, called a "reintegrative memory." This is when some sort of sensory input not only causes you to remember a certain memoory, but to feel the way you felt during the time of that memory.

And for whatever reason, my "reintegrative" moments seem much more frequent when the cooler months come creeping in.

So here's to many more cool evenings, now traipsing around Evangel's campus, letting God continue to let the sweet climate of this time of year bring many more happy autumn days into my ever increasing "nostalgic reservoir." :-)

Man, I love the fall.

:-)

Let that moment between breathing and thought be special,Very special, if you can.Allow that time between eye opening and thought be valued,So valued, if you can.Each moment is a gift,
Allow it to bring life to that rift
You may fill with apathy,
With unsatisfactory, dull inadequacy,
And emptiness.
Life is from Him to you for the taking.
Don't let that be forgotten

A Good Day

Today is a wonderful day. I love the feeling in the air, where it's slightly cool but still sunny and warm enough to wear springtime clothes. I love it. I think the high today is 57, so this morning going to class at about 48, it felt great to me.

I got a good amount of sleep last night, and though I woke up groggy it was again the sunny coolness in the air that "chippered me up," haha. I also decided to wear my gym pants? They're basically gym short material but as long as pants. I love them, they're so light and comfortable, and when I put on my flip flops this afternoon, man, I'll just feel goooood ;-).

One fun thing to mention that might have contributed to my morning chipper was the uplifting and exciting dream I had last night. I dreamt that I could fly a small plane, and I remember taking off, flying around through the sky, and it was SO REAL! The sky was beautiful and clear, and I just coasted along in the sky, taking it all in. then things got a bit more interesting, when I somehow landed in a house that basically had this...huge, open wall on their second floor. So it was like...walking up to a room in a house where one wall, and the ceiling, was missing. After landing here I started walking around and there was a lady sitting on a couch. I fully suspected her to freak out at seeing this random guy in her house, but she just kind of smiled and told me to watch out for the dog. Well, it didn't bother me much because I found that the dog was just a little Pomeranian (sp?) Anyway, so I'm walking around in this house and then I stumble into a few kids, probably 12-15 years old, and we start playing games in their downstairs. I don't remember anything specific, but we were just hanging out, talking and stuff. Also, I found it humorous that they were all black. haha, maybe cause I hung out with Ramsey last night? hahaha, idk....Anyway, so then somehow Pastor Ronnie showed up. BUt it was about that time that I realized dusk was setting in, and I was like "O crap, I can't fly home in the dark!" So I start getting ready to fly back, all the while also realizing that i have no idea even HOW to get back, since I basically stumbled on this house by accident. And that's about when I woke up; dusk outside, trying to figure out how to fly back. A fun dream all and all :-)

So anyway, considering that and other things, today just feels like a good day. Of course, sort of hovering over my horizon are the questions of what I'mgoing to do this summer. What can I do to make as much money as possible? And perhaps more importantly, will I be able to start making money this fall that makes me less dependent on Stafford loans? Ultimately that is my prayer. But right now there are definitely many options out there, and I"m just praying for God to show me what to do or just what to wait on.

So today's a good day; I pray maybe it'll be capped off by some more direction for the coming months :-)

Remember Me

I still remember him so well, even unto this day.
But to tell you the truth, he'd be pretty hard to forget.
I mean, yeah he was one of those guys that did a lot of good while he was around.
But it's that last time with him that....
Gosh,
I just can't get out of my head.
You know, I suppose you always think the last time you talk to someone,
And they know their time has come, that those words are going to mean something:
They're going to shake you.
But with him....
It was different
Even painful..
And to this day, they haven't left me.
Ha, how could they!
You see, I'm sure most would agree that a dying loved one looking you in the eyes and saying
"Remember me" would leave quite the mark.
Indeed, such words have probably moved many to greatness in memory of their lost loved one.
But his words...
Have not just challenged me;
They've challenged the world.
How could one say such selfless...
Such incredibly selfless things!
I mean, this was his life he was talking about, and here he was telling us that he was
CHOOSING to give it over to us!
And yet there they were, those words of love I am yet able to understand,
But that will be with me, for the rest of my life..

"This is my body, which is broken...
For you.
This is my blood, which is poured out...
For you...


Remember me."

Sledding! :-)

So today I did something I haven't done since I think I was 12; went sledding! :-)
I took my mentee, Sal, and met up with Kate at the big hill across from CBC.
I'll be honest and say I was a little unsure if I was going to have any kind of effective sled, but then this morning Kate said her friends had recommended trash bags.
Man, did they work!
But what was really cool was the sled I made;
I took a tarp I've had for like two years and never used and wrapped it around a bulletin board. I then tied the tarp tightly around it with rope. Sadly though, after doing that last night I was still thinking "I'm not sure if this is going to work...it's probably just too big, flat and heavy."
Well, problem solved when I put a trash bag over it!
Man, because that thing weighed a pretty good bit and then had something with very little friction wrapped around it, it flew down the hill.
Which caused too funny stories;
1 - the first time I went down on my butt on that thing, I flew off the ledge at the end of the hill. Little did I know it was concrete down there; so I FLOPPED on my butt. Yep, my tail bone still hurts :/. Just glad I didn't hit it harder!
2 - After that I learned how to basically role off and not fly off the ledge. So I was pretty confident when Kate tried it that there would be no problem. Haha...nope....
She went flying off the ledge and did like a 180 body flap down there in the mud... She lost her keys and stuff for a second.
She wasn't too happy with me on the walk up :-) haha....
So anyway, all in all it was a pretty awesome time.
And I think my sled deserves a prize for the day or something :-)

Prayer

Intimacy is about listening. Truly, about listening. Yes we have to engage, but I think so often we forget that in order to be intimate, we have to soak up the other person. We have to enjoy them, just because they're there, and we can't do that if we're so focused on ourselves that we don't give them a moment to speak: if we don't stop one moment and listen.
And yet I so often find myself having this problem in my time with God. I forget that He's there, and He wants to spend time with me, honestly, much more than I could ever want to spend time with Him. Yet, so often...I never stop and let Him spend time with me. It's always about my time with Him.
Sometimes we just need to sit back,
And listen.

And it's not just about Him speaking to you, in some direct, audible sense. It' just about...letting Him be there. His presence, is sufficient. I know that sounds basic, but man, so often that I miss that. That I miss that it's just about....letting Him be there, and to stop trying to ask Him for things. To stop trying to seek Him for things, to stop consuming my thoughts with how I can come to Him, but sit back and let Him come to me. So much of this life, I think, is about communion with God. Well, I suppose it all is at its root, but the reality is that that deep, intimate communion cannot be engaged in 24/7. It's only when we take the time to go to our prayer closet, and truly seek Him, and then let Him be found, that we have that. It's the only time that I have it, and sadly I realize how often I'm engaged in that time only allowing it to be all about me, and not Him.
My prayer is that I can learn to fix that.