Through a glass darkly

One day Lord I will be like you because I will see you as you are. No more human dross weighing me down. No more inundate imperfection strapping me to this world of pain and suffering. Perfection. Just...perfection, serenity, fulfillment, the achings of my heart and soul finally satisfied even beyond their greatest longings. I think throughout our lives wrestlessness defines consciousness to the point that we forget or never find out what true rest really is. It eludes us every day we elude you. But on that glorious day when the musings of this world are put behind me I will know what true rest is. I will understand what peace really means. I praise you God, for such a wonderful promise.

But I also know though my fulfillment is not yet, so you have already done a work in this world and my life. I may perceive you through a glass darkly but I know you are there regardless. Your peace is the only peace that breaks through this world of chaos. I know that in catching glimpses of you my heart can know fulfillment,
In preparation for the day I will know you in full.

Belief belief beliefs

Jesus is the center of my faith. I don't suppose anything could sound any more rudimentary or perhaps clich'e than that, but it couldn't also be any more true. The questions for a Chrstian that arise all have to do with Jesus. More specifically, they have to do with his resurrection. This makes the logistical side of Christian belief fairly simple; prove Jesus resurrected, prove Chrsitianity true.

Of course, the debates rage as to whether or not this has been proved, or is even provable. Honestly, I think from an objective historical standpoint even the hardest of skeptics have conceded that for a miracle the resurrection of Christ is about as believable as it gets. For that reason and others it is not hard for me to see the denying of Christ's resurrection as more a product of the fallen nature than objective rational pursuit. Of course, I know in saying this I open up a whole other logical can of worms that must be defended. What qualifies my inkling toward fallen nature rather than rationale? What makes one more valid than the other? I know that would be another post in itself, and that is really not the point I am seeking to make right now. Suffice to say that even if someone is on the fence about the resurrection of Christ, what matters is that anyone with logical integrity will tell you there is convincing evidence in its support. And that, yes, if you really want to there is, as with anything really, room for you to neglect it if you so choose.

It's that "if you so choose" where "I," quite literally, come into play.

What I mean is, beliefs are complicated. I think in our endless pursuit of rational justification we forget that merely the formation and sustaining of a belief is by its own merit a noteworthy mental exercise. Data can be weighed endlessly. In fact, a computer can do that if you wanted it to. What distinguishes human intelligence in this area is the movement from deliberation to decision, from a litany of facts to the exercising of volition. That act alone deserves credit from those who choose to do it.

So for me, being a Christian has its reasons. Moreover, I think it has many compelling reasons. But what I realize and I have come to value is that, as the biblical addage goes, we do in fact "walk by faith and not by sight." Faith is that exercising of volition. Faith meets us at the point where we end and God begins, where that step in consistence with rational directing, but outside rationale's scope, takes place. We must believe this and understand this as orthodox Christians, otherwise we fall prey to Pelagianism, believing our own will alone gets us to God. I'm not saying I know the perfect spot where God bridges that gap, but I am saying that it exists. And more specifically, I think the inherent limbo involved in the belief forming process creates a place for faith out of necessity. Simply, if logic alone led to God anyone, EVER, who had considered all the facts concerning the resurrection would have converted. But NAYYYY says the atheist, you say that assuming the veracity of the resurrection! No, because I would say on the flip side that would mean that if the resurrection didn't happen then anyone, EVER, who considered the facts would have NOT believed. The point is not which belief is true. The point is that there is an element here that stretches outside of objective data and requires the subjective, but deliberate, distinctly human component of DECIDING to believe. Human will, human volition, this must get involved and leap toward one conclusion or another. And to me, when it comes to God, that will and volition may in every way point us toward God, but to make that final, deciding moment to believe and follow him, there is a stretch outside ourselves that only God can provide. And I think that in dialogue with skeptics, atheists, agnostics, those of other faiths, whatever, we must always keep this in mind. If you don't hold this to be true as a Christian then you will forever be frustrated by others who don't just "get it." Of course they don't; belief forming is naturally an ambivalent process and only God's Spirit can conclude their ambivalence with decision. So when it comes to the resurrection of Christ, Jesus IS the answer...as always :) But I know getting to that answer is an intricate process, one I pray to not be ignorant or impatient of in sharing my beliefs with others. They too are in their limbo process, just as I was and often feel that I am. I can only pray God can help me to meet them there and guide them toward an end to their existential uncertainty.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDtrqV6M08Y

Fast: 2011

This fast has in a lot of ways been harder than last year, simply because I had it in my mind that 5 days is a pretty short fast. Now, while that is true, I shouldn't have approached things that way in my mind. So my intention now is to realize 'God, I have this time, and it actually is 5 full days in length, to focus on you." Basically, to have the same mentality I usually have when I fast.

This has also spilled over into general hunger and desire for food. Because I had it in my mind that food is coming relatively soon, the sacrifice of food hadn't really sunk into my thoughts yet. Well, I have to have that mentality because without it, I'm too stinking hungry! haha. I haven't honestly been all that hungry, but my mindset has not been anti-food like it should be. Fasting is a time of sacrificing food for God, and so much of that is not just the physical act of eating; it's the thought of eating, dwelling on food, etc. The more I put that aside, the more clearly I can focus on God because I'm worried about Him and not about food. Because really, if the point of fasting is to focus on God over anything else, you kind of kill the point when you're focused on food instead! haha.

So God, my prayer is for these next three days, each day I can come into it with the intention of focusing on you. You are my focus, and I want you moving in life for this year, and in my upcoming marriage.

May that be my focus, and yes, in good time food will be a part of my life again. For right now, I'm fully content sacrificing it for You.