Loving your Beautiful Wife, take 2

It's all about that Love that defines everything. It is fundamentally relational, and so it overshadows all objectified distortions of relational connection between people. And this is most certainly the case in romantic love, in the beautiful bond between a man and a woman, that God has ordained. He calls the groom to have a love for his wife like Christ exhibited for the church. In that there is no objectified errancy; there is only relational union. That is what I am called to. That is what we are all called to, if we feel that we are ready for marriage.
Looking beyond the things that fade away, and looking to the things that last. A person, for whom they are, at the heart of their relational self. And there are a couple neat things about that "relational identity:"

One, since the apex of our relational identity is found in relationship with Christ, the most beautiful woman is going to be one whose relationship with Him is vibrant and constant. A beautiful, healthy relational connection with the Author of relationship will shine more beautifully than all other components of beauty. This is what makes a woman glow. This is what makes her a person to spend forever with; because at the core of herself is a connection with the One who shows her, at its foundation, what "forever" feels like.

And two, her relational self will also strongly exhibit herself in her relationship with others. This is the secondmost truly beautiful thing about a woman of God. She shines as one who attempts to take her primary relationship with Christ, and project that on to all those around her. She glows for Christ, and that light shines through in her treatment of others. Simply, a woman who loves God and loves people is the most gorgeous of all.

You'll notice a simple pattern in these two characteristics; they are directly derived from Christ's two greatest commandments. I think this gives further credence to what is being said her about "beauty" because the more a woman's behavior reflects the true heart and character of God (by living in accordance with His two greatest commandments) then the more beautiful she will become.

And having said that, one particular reason I think it is paramount that we put these characteristics before physical appearance is the simple issue of aging, and potentially tragic deformative events. I am not one to be too gloomy, but on one side of things one mus consider the simple idea of their spouse aging, ultimately becoming "less physically attractive" than they are in their 20s-30s, and on the other, the more difficult idea of somethign tramautic happening to your spouse that naturally makes them less physically appealing than before.
To deal with the "simpler" idea first, again the issue is focusing on that person's relational rather than physical self. That's what ought to define them in your eyes, and that is what serves as the true basis for your love for him or her. Without that, then in due time when the natural "sands of time" pass over the face and frame of your mate, the connection between you and that person will rapidly dissolve. And if marriage is to be taken seriously, to be taken as something that is called to endure forever for the Christian, then in view of this it is absolutely crucial that the true definition of "beauty" and "love" be understood when going in. That is, that it must be about that person's inner beauty, it must be about their relational self, connected with God and with others. It must be about those things because those things, can last forever. And in spite of wrinkles, hunched shoulders, and shaky knees (haha :-) ) when the connection between two people is based upon Christ-rooted relationship, none of those transiet, temporal indicators will matter.

And yes, this ultimately transitions into the far more difficult realm, of the physically disfigured spouse. I am not one to say that such an experience is easy. However, I am one to say that if God takes marriage as seriously as He says He does, He can fully empower His people to see through His eyes of relational, rather than physical, union with their spouse. With those such eyes He can help us in our weakness, and fully enable us to think as relational rather than physical people. Again though, it may even be a misnomer at this point to say "help in our weakness" because if our connection with our spouse has been based within relational, Christ based connection from the start, if that has been the true definition and basis for our love, then our love should have little trouble changing despite adverse, physical circumstances. This is the power, I believe, that true love for one another can have. This is the power that true beauty defined through true love can have. That is,iIt's not about physical adversity, but about spiritual, relational union: where no matter what happens in the physical realm, that person always remains deeply loved and immensely beautiful on this side of eternity. That no matter what happens: this is what true, God based love can accomplish.